Do Looks Matter?

Singles dinner for 8. We went to a nice restaurant last night for dinner, we had a ratio of 5 to 3 women to men. So we were about par for the course. Why is it there is always more women than men at any singles gathering it seems? The evening was great; food fantastic and the wine and chatter superb.

Then the inevitable after dinner conversation out on the veranda, quickly seemed to evolve into why we were all single? As one gentleman so candidly pointed out, "I don't understand why any of you ladies are single, you are all attractive."

HUMMMM.... I felt all of a sudden like all of us were like penguins in the Antarctic. We were all quickly looking for a small warm spot in the middle where you can tuck your head in and hide, not be seen and hopefully ignore the comment.

I mean, the question, I am sure he meant to be a compliment of some sort, I guess??, But it ended up really sounding more like a fact finding mission for the men. Those kinds of comments on the surface seem flattering, but underneath its like it had a different meaning.

So, if we are good looking enough that we should not be single, then whats wrong with us and why are we single? Is that what he was really asking? It reminds me of something along the lines of, " hey lets cut to the chase, your single and attractive, so what kind of baggage are you carrying, there must be something else wrong with you?"

It's funny really, I mean it made me look at the person who made the statement:
Good looking, well dressed, can carry great conversation with anyone it seems and on the outside would appear to be a great catch, by all normal outer appearances that is. So why is he single? Why was he not out on a hot date, or with a long term significant other? Why was he with all the rest of us, "good-looking singles", who's main commonality by the way is the same church, and a love of good food and wine?

So back to his question to which one women responded, "What do looks have to do with anything?" Her statement, although not defensive, really probably was. I mean non of us wants to be dated for our looks and looks alone, or do we?

This battle of the looks continued over an after dinner Port. In which both men agreed and admitted that the male species does think more about the looks of a potential companion and they admit it is important to them. More so than women though? OK - touche.

So we agree, looks are what we all are attracted to in the first place, how else do you meet someone. You see them, your attracted and you approach them. Right?

As much as we, the women, tried to defend our 'new ways'. We all seemed to be of the same opinion that somehow it seems like our past relationships, the ones that had failed obviously, usually started based on pure physical attraction and chemistry alone. We all wanted something more now, so it begs to question.

Do looks really matter and if so how much? Can we really put looks and chemistry on the back burner and try to just be open minded to meeting new people and not deciding in an instant whether or not they are 'dating material' based on appearance alone. Can we really try to look deeper at a persons character, personality and heart first? Can we eventually see someone as being good looking only after we know their whats inside, rather than qualifying them by whats on the outside?

The question we really should ask is, will society learn to accept that looks aren't everything? Do we feel pressure from society, our friends, our business associates to date a certain 'look'? and can we look beyond, the 'look'?

As this gentleman so poignantly put it, "I don't see any of you dating anyone who looks like 'Erkel' anytime soon".

I guess I can't prove him wrong until I meet an 'Erkel' looking guy.... But, it is something to think about. Do looks matter?